Every now and then, I make out time to take stock of my friends, do some auditing, maintenance, mending, discarding, appreciation and most importantly, I single them out and pray for them, their needs, family, health, career, relationships, just everything I can think of and above all, I thank God for my friends because I believe God blessed me with these amazing set of people. However, regardless of all the goodness friends exhibit, some others are annoying, toxic, unfriendly, strangers and not fit to be on the list.
At some point in my life, I have been really angry at my friends for not lending a helping hand in my time of need or going the extra mile for me, lying to me about stuff, being insensitive and at that point, I hate them for not trying so hard or at all to be there for me when I needed them most. I cut them some slack, give them the benefit of doubt knowing they also go through stuff or are currently going through a lot. I get really mad at them for being so careless, insensitive, nonchalant, distant, this or that, but I remind myself with scriptures my mum always drummed into my ears which said: “Put your trust only on God because men will always fail you.” This doesn’t mean that I don’t trust people, but again, I have trust issues because it’s natural for humans to fail, betray, leave, hurt or disappoint you. Why? We’re all not perfect. We have flaws. People owe you nothing.
My list of friends go on and on, but I simply have priorities and for some, labels on each box they belong to. So, I know who is for real, who is temporary, permanent or a one-off. Here’s what I tell myself when I’m going through so much without nobody having my back: “Gee, God is simply bypassing the interns to get you to the head surgeon so he can heal you himself. God is bypassing that newbie graphic artist so the head graphic designer or creative artist can do a perfect job painting your life and adding colors where necessary. God is bypassing that friend who won’t lend you some money and push you deeper into debt so he can take you to the financial advisor who will wipe your financial records, give you a credit card and reduce the risk you’re about to take. So, accept their silence, their NO responses, their rejection and all of that delay as a blessing and move on.
It’s inevitable for friends to never disappoint, fail or hurt you, but you need every form of emotional intelligence and people management skill to understand that we all come from diverse backgrounds with different lifestyles. Cut people a slack or two or maybe more, give them benefits of doubts, forgive them, do some auditing, mend, let go, discard or bond again. Same way it’s not easy dealing with others, it’s equally not easy for others to deal with you, but most of all, know who your friends are and man, know thyself too -incase you’re the one in the wrong. Here is a quote I love on friendship: