I don’t know how I got into this, but I also know there’s no way out. I admire a lot of people, I do like a lot too, but I love a few and I’m committed to some. Don’t get me wrong…this is no lesbian or bisexual move, it’s deeper than that, but it is what it is.
Yes, I have a sisterhood who do not know themselves and whilst some do know themselves, I’m the one who’s sweet in the middle, but trying so hard to share that sweetness in very unequal portions – due to a lot that holds a lot more.
Has it been easy maintaining the friendships that have bloomed into relationships? Nope! and Yeah! In as much as I wish they all knew themselves, that just might never happen. Some do crave the attention and feel it’s a competition while others totally get it and don’t feel there’s a need to fight for what’s already theirs. Let’s get this right…
I love all of my friends who are closest to me, but that love comes in percentages. Some higher, others lower. While some expect I give them all of me and my love, they easily forget there were others before them who somehow got to understand me better and got comfortable sharing me with others.
Now, I’m someone who makes deep connections with people and for all my friendships that have lasted and are pretty valuable, it’s because of the intensity we share in our connection. Yes, I make friends easily because I am an easy going person, but at the same time, I’m not a social person who makes friends for surface/shallow reasons. Yeah, people find me easy to talk to and yeah… that’s for complex people because we end up having mysteries to unwrap. So, while people feel they can confide in me and tag me their best friend, I also have people I can confide in and tag my best friend. Now, I end up being a best friend to many, meanwhile, I have a bestfriend of my own. Life is funny yeah?
It takes a lot of emotional intelligence, people skills, relationship management and all the terms you can coin it in to build relationships with people and maintain them too. I don’t have a problem sharing me and letting others jointly enjoy the goodness I bring, but sometimes I feel like splitting me into multiple parts- which will never happen- and giving each person a whole of me. Don’t get me wrong…I invest a lot in building and maintaining my relationships with people-especially the ladies because it’s something I never got from family, but found it in friends.
I’ve learned over time that one person cannot be everything for a person especially if it’s someone you love. I might be the one who’ll cook your meals, lay your bed, give you foot rubs and body massages, do your laundry, have great passionate sex with you, kiss your lips the way only I can do, give you listening ears, give you the best advices, pray with you and for you, take you window shopping or maybe on a shopping spree, go fun places with you that we both love, but I may not be there when you have a family function, need an evening hangout buddie, a conference you need to speak at, an adventure, a movie premiere or just when you need a quick glass of milk. I’ll be there in spirit, but not in bodily form. So, the reason why I advice you make and keep friends besides me- to fill up the missing pieces due to my unavailability is so that you’ll never run out of options and get lonely or depressed cause I care about you.
Now, don’t you ever feel insecure when I speak about my other friends or hangout with them. If you wanna tag along, don’t be afraid to say it, but just so you know…you can’t be my friend and not feel comfy with sharing me. I went from generalizing this talk to getting more personal. So, while I love you dearly, please know I love others too. Christ came for all and not one. I’m not Christ and won’t ever be Him, but please have fun jointly enjoying the goodness I bring. There just might be a lot to learn from my other friends you’re not comfy with. So, get comfy sharing me, but know I’ll always be there when you need me…I gatchyu!