On days like today, I wish above all things that the heavens were closer, the beach was in my city and I am just a child for a day again. I lose my appetite and try to force a smile, but deep down, I know life favours some and not all. It’s 08:49am, the 23rd of July and I slept late into the night because of a lot of reasons and yes, reading Becoming my Michelle Obama was just an escape route from the many reasons I was awake – plus, it was a perfect distraction from the many thoughts in my head.
So, last time I was home was December and I really wish during the lockdown, I was home with my family. I still have a window opportunity to go home next week Thursday and spend about 3-4 days with friends and family, relax and revive a little before coming back to the hustle up north. That trip alone will cost me US$70 and converting it to Naira would be about 25,000 naira- which will do for a bus trip and a pretty nice time at home. Do I really wanna go? Yes and Yes again, but can I go? Yes and No.
I have my outstanding house rent bill of US$450 which is about 150,000naira to cover up in 2months and my internship allowance or salary alone can’t cover up for it in these two months. The lockdown got me cashless and spending all I had on food, data and air units- trying to live a little normal life in a not so normal world. So, I can pay up $150 by the end of this month and not have to travel during the short break and then hustle up the remaining to pay up by next month end hopefully. Here, I’ll get to deprive myself of a little happiness, peace, joy and rejuvenation which friends and family will offer. So, it’s entirely up to me as I’ve got no sponsors besides Utg who has been a major source of help in the past months with monetary surprises.
I know I can always go home in December- even if it seems so far away, but I’m choiceless right now.
More disturbingly is my contract which expires in less than 3months and I sincerely don’t know if I’ll be retained after that or not. If I am, then, I’ll be so excited about it because I’ll have a year to plan up my life, my next career goals, my bills and a lot more in the long run- especially how to complete my studies and aim for a reasonable pay cheque. If I’m not retained, I have to get another job which I’m already looking out for, find a way to make extra income and most importantly, do a skill training to add up to my resumé- which will also cost me a fortune.
I don’t know what the next three months holds for me, but this is a day in my life and whatever the outcome is, I just know it’s going to be okay because God’s got me and I trust the Holy spirit’s guidance in my decision making and trust God who always shows up for me in the fire. I am a planner, but sometimes, I’m at crossroads without a compass and I can only close my eyes and make any turn. This is a day in my life…