I’ll leave this here till the day we’re finally tied.
I have searched for you in ways, places, times, seasons and in people I remember and maybe don’t. It’s been a crazy ride, hike and hustle. One minute I see you in this one and the next minute you’re no where to be found. Then, I sit back, reflect and think probably it’s cause I’m the one doing the searching. Next, I let him do the searching and after days, weeks, months and years, it’s the same smooth sail, bumpy ride with hassles adding up to my already sequentially lived rollercoaster life. Am I tired? Yes! Have I given up? More often than not! Have I been patient? Trust me you have no idea! Have I put in my everything? Yes, that and more!
Did I tell you about all of them? With their names, characters, truths, lies, strengths, flaws and all? For some reason, I want to tell you about all of them, but at the same time, that’ll be for you to decide if you wanna know or not.
Some days and nights, I cried for my loneliness, your absence, your unknown identity, what you’d sound or look or be like… What you’d love and hate… If you’d tell me to change this or that or if I’d be your driving force or you’d be mine. I thought about which state, country or continent we’d meet or live in… What language you’d speak… If you were tall, average, slim, chubby and if you liked sports or probably just video games. I wondered if you’d love alcohol or be one who smokes or just never did both.
Sometimes, I thought about if you’d snore or not or found out that whenever I had a flu, it disturbed my sleeping pattern… I thought about the fact that you would probably be a quiet person and not one drawn to much talk and I’d be the one having to force you to open up, while thinking there was something you weren’t telling me and I’d become so much trouble to you. Then, I thought about how we’d both be good conversationalists that we’d never get bored and even if we did, in our silence, a lot would be said.
I’ve thought about my ex-es, this one and the next to know if you’d come as either of them or maybe come as a total stranger, a friend or a night stand turned you. I’ve thought about a lot. And today, I want to say thank you for choosing me. Thank you for putting my mind, heart, body and soul to rest. Thank you for showing me the end of this long journey and being here to start a new one with me.
Thank you for being you, doing you and putting up with all my indecisiveness, tardiness, goofiness and deep sense of lost reasoning. Thank you for being the one that has given me so much stress with these different age, size, color, language and classes of boys, guys and men. I have seen them all and I am happy you’re the last. I told myself I’d give you a hard Knock or pull your ears when this day is finally here and that’s exactly what I’ll do or you’ll choose a suitable punishment for yourself for not showing up earlier and having to let me pass through that roller coaster of a journey.
Meanwhile, did I ever tell you I need one room for a library, another room for a gallery/award room- like a room of honors and another spare room for eeerrmmm… I’ll think about it. Plus, please don’t forget that I need a really large kitchen. Eheee, I need a closet too… that’ll be an entire room too. So, please be aware of all these incase I forgot to add them up earlier. Plus, I love you a whole lot and more. I dunno what name I’ll give to you because I think I’ve used up all the names in my pet name love language giving dictionary. Not to worry… I’ll figure something out…I always do. I love you and thank you for loving me too.