When You Need To Pause, Stop Or Shutdown

I have a weakness which is saying ‘No’ to people. I feel bad, guilty and sad when I have to displease and disappoint people, but lately, I’ve been doing what I can, want and feel like when I need to, how and where I need to- no pressures attached. In fact, the slightest pressure turns my buttons off and I either hibernate, sleep or just shut down.

A lot’s been going on with me no doubt and having someone to talk to has been scarce, so, any negative energy or vibe around me just automatically switches me to sleep mode. I have a story or two to share…

November 2019, I met someone who was my neighbor and he worked in the same environment with me. He would pick me up to and from work most times until December when there was a break. I got back, resumed work and a lot changed because I couldn’t keep up with his demands and he became really toxic and one day, his wife gave birth to a boy and that was it- we stopped talking and seeing totally and i’m glad I moved on even before this incident as this made it a perfect opportunity to withdraw. Yesterday, on my way to work, he saw me, called out and picked me up, but I already had a boundary that put a pause and stop to our communication- which has given me so much happiness, peace and freedom- you have no idea.

Secondly, my supervisor who became my friend started a laundry business in December, 2019 and I decided to help him with the content management for his IG page. This got me putting on my creativity cap to generate new and fresh content ideas for the laundry service- something I’ve never done and amidst every other thing I need to do online- from reading, writing, blogging, researching, building, networking and creating content, I still decided to make out time once in a while to create content and make posts. He needed a Facebook page too for same thing, but till now, hasn’t given me the information I need to make that happen. Yesterday, he came around and reminded me about making posts which I last did 2 weeks ago and says something about me not wanting his business to grow. I overlooked that and still want to do it for him regardless because he’s been a good person to me, but since yesterday, he put up some kind of attitude towards me and honestly, I personally don’t care how long he puts it up cause it really doesn’t affect me in the least bit.

I neglected my IG blog on scrambled story for over a month and finally decided to create content using canva for it. He saw posts I made on Thursday and Friday last week and keeps saying I did mine, but couldn’t do his. He has no idea that it’s easier doing mine because I already created a template and word content for my posts since a year ago and all I need to do is drag and drop meanwhile for his, I have to think about what to write, check for a picture, create a graphic or something and make it look really cool. He hasn’t even bothered to ask what’s going on with me or not as a friend this time, but who cares about how you feel or what you do anyway, as long as you’re alive yea? I have plans for his work and all I need is rest, research, recreate and rework on his page. He has no idea how hard this is for me and I’m trying my best tto do a reaally good job, but he sees it like i’m nonchalant about his business. And it’s fine. Thing is, by the time i’ve rebooted, his memory will either be blurred or wiped out.

I really didn’t want to make a long post, but if that is the case, then, it’s best I get it done once an for all. These days, I’ve had my migraines come back, depression try to sleep on me, my bills trying to suffocate me and a shelter issue weighing me down, but I’ve tried to take it down a notch by doing two things that will leave me feeling happy and productive each day. Yesterday, I started building my LinkedIn profile and today, i’m completing my course on storytelling. So, everyday, LinkedIn and my courses are must do’s. I don’t have the energy to pull myself up right now, nor one to share so, I’m in my pause, stop and shutdown mode- less I fall. If i fall, nobody will pick me up. They’ll just walk past, assume i’m taking a nap and keep living their lives so, my life is mine to decide if i’ll please others and displease myself or nah…

Published by Cocoa Series

Cocoa Series is a platform sharing inspiring lifestyle stories...

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